"I don't go back to the Philippines often; but I did go back recently for a friend's wedding. I was a bridesmaid."
Before Rian Difuntorum became a bridesmaid, she was Iyan - a Pangasinan-born Melburnian who was always drawn to like-minded people, who loved her grandfather's pinapaitan [an Ilocano bitter stew], bonded with her mum over Filipino food, and who lived as a boy for more than twenty years.
Iyan Difuntorum Source: Iyan Difuntorum Twitter
Clothes make the woman
As a boy, Rian admits, "I think going back I always knew there was something a little bit more unique about me; but I couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was."
What she could pinpoint was though was that her love for fashion began during a visit to New York.
"Going to New York really opened my eyes to the possibility of having a creative career so that when I came back to Melbourne, I was so determined to get into fashion," she shares, adding, "I went from styling magazine photo shoots to then doing fashion campaigns, and then doing a bit of filming and styling for TV. I definitely did have a well-rounded stylist career."
And it was from her stylist career that she discovered a path that would be pivotal in helping her discover her true self.
"I went from styling magazine photo shoots to then doing fashion campaigns, and then doing a bit of filming and styling for TV." Source: Rian Difuntorum
Rian shares that a client from TV invited her to a queer venue for an event. It was then that the person running the event invited her to participate in a charity fashion runway.
"I initially thought he wanted me to style, but what he actually meant was 'be a drag contestant in the runway'," she shares, adding, "Every time I styled a photo shoot, I pictured how I would want to dress if I was dressing in those clothes. So I thought why not give it a shot? And so that's how my drag career started."
Upon finding her footing in the art form, she went from one performance as her drag persona, Aysha Buffet, to then competing in 2016, which consequently won her both the Victorian and Australian title.
"When i got into drag, it really brought joy to my life and I really loved being able to dress and be this fabulous queen that I always knew was inside me; but I had the safety of it being makeup and wigs," she shares, adding, "As I developed as a queen, I was able to kind of identify what this feeling internally was."
"I really loved being able to dress and be this fabulous queen that I always knew was inside me but I had the safety of it being makeup and wigs." Source: Charlie Hughes
The moment in between
What Rian was feeling internally was that although she had previously identified as a gay man, this was not who she was. She was a woman living in the body of a man.
"I remember I pinpointed that moment [I realised this was] about 2016. I joked about it with a few of my friends. It became a running joke in our circle; but the more I thought about it, I knew it was the real thing. I kept going along with the jokes, so the idea of actually me being trans wouldn't be as much of a shock to them."
Sure enough, the news wasn't a shock to his friends who had always had an inkling that Rian was a transwoman. It was actually a friend who directed her to Hobart when she found that the wait list for transitioning in Melbourne was just too long.
"[In 2017], I was able to contact a clinic in Melbourne and they were able to give me a bit of information but when it came to sitting down with the doctor and psychologist, getting blood tests and [everything] to prepare my body for a medical transition, the wait list was so long and so I talked with a friend of mine who suggested to contact a clinic in Tasmania. I was able to make an appointment and, within a flash, I decided to move to Hobart to begin my transition."
Rian as a bridesmaid, with her close friends Source: Lovely Carbungco
Before moving to Tasmania, Rian felt that he had to tell his two younger brothers about the changes that were going to happen in the next months.
"My brothers were really cool about it. They were really sweet and super protective, of course, and loved the idea of having a big sister."
Rian in Tasmania Source: Rian Difuntorum
But while she told her brothers about her transition before she left, she wasn't ready to tell her parents. After all, her relationship with them had only started to get better after him coming out as a gay man caused tension.
"I was really nervous to think that if I come out as trans, it might be that one bit that's too much for them," she shares, adding, "I've already moved to Tasmania this time. I had seen a psychologist and he gave me the courage to come out to my parents. I thought I would do the right thing for myself which is to write a letter to them, to explain how I felt and how it led up to that moment where I realised I was a transwoman."
Although it took a while for her parents to come to terms with her new identity, Rian says they respect her decision to live her truth.
Rian with her family Source: Rian Difuntorum
"Obviously I wear my makeup and I'll wear a wig when we go out. We've normalised it," she admits, adding, "I can accept that I love them enough to give them the time that they need to get used to [the change]...It was a shock [for them] at first, but now my parents are cool with it. I'm quite lucky in that sense."
Rian feels especially lucky that she's come to the realisation that she wants her family in her life.
"I got used to the idea of not having my family's support. I went from loving my family to then putting them to the side so I can figure out what was important for me," she shares, adding, "Coming out as trans and with age...I've realised that they're not people that I want out of my life."
A woman in drag
In as much as her family is a presence in her life, drag continues to be a part of Rian's identity.
"I wasn't sure how the drag community would take to me identifying as transgender...but there are no biases in drag. The fight was more within myself," she shares, adding, "Over the last few years, there's been a big spotlight on bio-queens - [drag queens] who identify as women. They are a huge part of the drag scene in Melbourne [now] and are very much accepted and welcomed."
The acceptance she's experienced in the community has also helped her to further evolve her drag persona.
Rian shares that the drag community has fully embraced her transition. Source: Rian Difuntorum
"Drag for me did begin as a mask and it was great because it gave me the strength to come out. So when I perform, I'm still Aysha Buffet - but it's Aysha Buffet developed as who I am as person now - as Rian," she shares, adding, "Because what's the point of being fake and putting on a face that isn't yours when you can take advantage of the time that you own?"
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Rian Difuntorum: "Take advantage of the time that you own. Be true to yourself." Source: Rian Difuntorum
