Growing up in Malaysia, Dr Inda Ahmad Zahri’s annual Eids were lush tropical affairs in the village. She remembers convoys of cars rushing to beat Eid traffic out of the capital Kuala Lumpur, the city empty as people headed back to the kampung for weeks of festivities.
Inda's grandmother was the matriarch and director of Eid celebrations – known in Malaysia as Hari Raya. She would instruct family to change the curtains, sweep floors and create a staging area for Eid pictures. Raya foods would be prepared in the kitchen – lodeh soup, kuah kacang satay sauce, ketupat rice cake and kuih Raya Eid cookies displayed in special canisters. On Eid, each family would wear traditional matching outfits made of the same fabric.
As an adult, Inda studied medicine in the UK and went on to work in Australian hospitals. Eid as a young doctor was a more rushed affair and involved wearing a traditional baju kurung to work and then changing into scrubs 15 minutes later. Going back to Malaysia for rare Eid visits became a precious and emotional time to connect with her roots.
I just cried out of happiness because I could hear Eid songs. And I know that something delicious is cooking in the kitchen and I had my family around me and I hadn't had that for so long.Inda Ahmad Zahri
Now married to a fellow doctor of Portugese-Croatian background, with three children of her own, her Eid's today are a cultural amalgam: serving Tim Tams with tea, sharing old traditions and creating new ones. Unlike her mother who insisted on a formal Raya family photo every year, Inda prefers a natural low key Eid, and is content to let her kids run around in shorts and shirts after changing out of their scratchy baju melayo.
For Raidah Shah Idil, who grew up in Sydney and now lives in Kuala Lumpur with her Indian Tamil husband, Eid also involves a cultural melding. Biryani and vada compete with traditional Malay food. One tradition that has been left behind though, is donning matching clothes as a family. Her partner is adamantly opposed to the idea, despite Raidah's best efforts to convince him otherwise.
As a neurodiverse woman, Raidah said days of Eid open houses and visits could take their toll.
The pressure to get along and meet extended family they hadn't seen all year could be intense, especially with Eid's focus on family, reconciliation and elder respect.
It's an emotional time. Like all those Christmas, Hallmark movies. And drama? We have drama too! Like 200 percent!Raidah Shah Idil
Raidah and her partner had a special signal to indicate when social outings had stretched them or their three children, and it was time to leave.
Raidah advocates exercising self-compassion as the festive season brings up unexpected feelings of disappointment and stress; as well as joy and connection.
The festive season can bring up a lot of feelings of not just joy and connection but unresolved trauma, unspoken expectations, disappointment.Raidah Shah Idil
For both Inda and Raidah, Malaysian Eid jingles, ads and serials were eagerly awaited as Eid itself, filled with addictive stories of reuniting families, unexpected love, second chances and new beginnings.
They are such emotional tearjerkers. Every very Eid and Ramadan you wait for them to come up with this amazing five-minute commercial that makes everybody melt into tears.Inda Ahmad Zahri
LISTEN TO
Time to celebrate: Eid Mubarak!
SBS Audio
19/04/202332:11
My Ramadan is a five-part podcast about how we experience Ramadan and Eid in modern multicultural Australia.
Follow at in the SBS Audio app, on , , or your preferred podcast app.
CREDITS
Host: Sarah Malik
Executive producers: Sarah Malik and Caroline Gates
Audio Engineer: Jeremy Wilmot
TRANSCRIPT
Sarah Malik: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the lands on which I'm recording from. I pay my respects to the Cammerygal people and their Elders past and present. I'd also like to acknowledge the traditional owners of all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander lands you are listening from and extend this respect to any First Nations listeners.
Raidah Shah Idil (promo): The festive season can bring up a lot of feelings, you know, of not just like, joy and connection, but unresolved trauma, unspoken expectations, you know, disappointment.
Sarah: Hi. I'm Sarah Malik. Eid Mubarak and welcome to the last special episode of My Ramadan. A podcast about how we experience Ramadan and Eid in modern multicultural Australia. I hope wherever you are, you are enjoying time with family and friends, walking off the food coma and getting some rest after the early morning masjid shuffle. From moon controversies to cash gifts in envelopes, what do your Eid celebrations look like today in Australia? And how can parents make Eid special for kids when they have to compete with Christmas?
In this special episode we discover what Eid looks like for two mixed culture families - Raidah Shah Idil and Inda Ahmad Zahri. Raidah is a writer and mum of three who joins me remotely from Kuala Lumpur. Inda is also a mum of three, a doctor and the author of the Ramadan children's book, ‘The month that makes the year’. Usually based in Brisbane, today she joins me from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Welcome to the show Raidah and Inda.
Raidah: Thank you Sarah.
Dr Inda Ahmad Zahri: Thank you Sarah.
Sarah: You're both of Malay background but almost had opposite journeys - Inda you grew up in Kuala Lumpur and migrated to the West as an adult and Raidah, you grew up in Sydney and migrated to Kuala Lumpur after you got married.
Raidah: Yup
Sarah: So, Inda tell me about your Eid, growing up?
Inda Ahmad Zahri: My Eids and Ramadans back in Malaysia were just amazing. They were really lovely, it was a spiritual time of year and because everybody was in on it, everybody celebrated it there were concessions made for school and work. People knew that everybody was fasting and so we’d adjust our schedules accordingly. You’d have time off to do the special Eid things which are not just the, you know, family iftar, sort of thing but also the spiritual things as well. There's definitely an atmosphere that you know, pervades life in Malaysia when you're celebrating Ramadan and Eid there. There's songs, there's mall decorations and Raidah you probably noticed since you moved back there as well, you know, the ads, the commercials that just make you ball out and cry every Ramadan and Eid.
Raidah: They are so emotional!
Inda: They are such emotional tearjerkers, it's crazy. It's like you know every Eid and Ramadan you almost kind of wait for them to come up with this amazing five-minute commercial that makes everybody melt into tears. So, there's definitely, a massive atmosphere there.
Sarah: Beautiful. Tell me about going to the village.
Inda: So, traditionally Kuala Lumpur is a big city and a lot of families, some obviously grew up in Kuala Lumpur, but a lot of families would have roots back in the villages or smaller towns outside of Kuala Lumpur or in the rural areas. My mum, for example, comes from a small town, called Muar in Johor which is in the south. And my dad comes from Seremban, which is in the Negeri Sembilan in the nearby state. Obviously once you get married your partner might not come from the same part of Malaysia. So, you almost have to take turns like ‘oh this year, it's my turn’ and 'this year's my husband's family's turn’ and you kind of do that. It's sort of an unspoken rule, that everybody gets a fair share, and you would head back if you're able a few days before Eid. There is that mad Eid rush for those who can't get off work early. The roads are going to be chockers. All my cousins would be there, and my aunts and uncles would be there at my grandparents house. And it was just amazing. We put the songs on. My grandma who passed away recently. She was an amazing woman. She had a stroke about 15 years ago, and so she was hemiplegic, but she still kept as active as possible. She's very much still the matriarch of the family, and she'd have jobs first to do, you know. Okay, ‘you change the curtains, because I want the nice curtains, when the guests come’, ‘you change the sofas around here, because this is where we're going to take our pictures,’ and stuff like that. And then my aunt would kind of hold fort in the kitchen because she was the best cook of the family, and they'd make lodeh and kuah kacang and ketupat and all these amazing foods that we look forward to for Eid. And then the kids ultimately will have really simple jobs like bring out all of the nice canisters and put all the kuih Raya or Eid cookies in them so that we can lay them all out on the front table when the guests arrive. And so, Eid morning then would be: wake up, shower, get to the mosque if we can and then put on our Eid clothes, which tend to be quite matchy matchy. I don't know if that's still the trend back in Malaysia.
Raidah: Still the trend.
Inda: (laughs) Yeah, still the trend! We would wear like the same fabric, all of us so you know which family you're from and then yeah, you'd start to eat because you don't have to fast anymore. We then kind of shimmy up to whichever elder person we can find and kiss their hand and ask for forgiveness, because it's all about forgiveness and reconciliation. Then there's a little bit of financial benefits from that as well, because you get passed the little envelope full of money. And you hoard that for the rest of the day, because the day is not over. The rest of the day, you just either receive guests or you are a guest yourself and we kind of make these plans to go in a big convoy to everybody's house around the kampung or the village or the little town wherever you are and it's pretty amazing.
Sarah: Wow, so everyone would migrate from the cities to the villages to visit grandparents, and then the festivities, would they just go on for days?
Inda: For like a month! I mean, we fasted for a month then we might as well celebrate for a month as well. So, you get you get a fair bit of time off. I joke that in Malaysia, we didn't really have to go to school because we were so multicultural that we would have holidays for every single thing. So Chinese New Year, one week off. Christmas, one week off. Eid, two weeks off. Two Eids? No problem more time off, and Deepavali and everything. We'd celebrate everything and so we would stay in the kampung for sort of a week or so that was a good amount of time for me and my family. But when we got home and work started up again, and school started up again, people would still have open houses. So, in KL itself, we’d often just go about our day, but then at night, change back into traditional clothes, and go out to Auntie so-and-so's house, or Mr. so-and-so's house because they had an open house where we could eat more and collect more packets of money.
Sarah: That sounds amazing. Just a massive party, endless party for a month. It’s just beautiful.
Inda: Yeah
Sarah: Going to this to, Raidah tell us about what you comically label, your sad, Sydney diaspora Eids.
Raidah: Yes
Sarah: Or what in Malaysia, they label Hari Raya.
Raidah: Yes, so I was born in Singapore and even though we were racial and religious minority, Eid or Raya was really special because of family and we’d get together, all the tasty food. But once we migrated to Sydney, we were the only ones who left. So, we literally left our village behind. So, it was just like my mum and my siblings and my parents were still married back then so, he, my dad would fly in, and that, was it, you know. I’d never met an Arab in my life when I was in Singapore. And then when I moved to Sydney and I went to private Muslim school, I was the minority! I was like the non-Arab. It was so strange. As our relationships and friendships got deeper then we got their Eid invites to other families. And I remember tasting maamoul for the first time. Fatima El-Assad, still a really good friend of mine, her mum and her mammoul! The pistachio filling and the garlic sauce! Like that's it, I'm like, doomed for life. Like I cannot eat it outside anymore, because I've tasted homemade garlic sauce! And I've been on the hunt ever since. My husband knows any time I'm mad just get me garlic sauce. I’ll cheer up. So yeah, I guess our sad diaspora Eids eventually actually became like much happier affairs and, but it was never quite the same as flying back to family. Because back when Hari Raya sort of meshed with school holidays, we’d always fly back, we’d always fly back and that was when we did get to meet our cousins and our grandmas. And even when I was like in my teens, I remember feeling like, wow, you know, it's so nice that everyone's like, really close and but we moved far away and we don't get that like you know, rapport anymore. Later as an adult, I found out much to my amusement, that my cousins and uncles and aunties they didn't really see each other throughout the year anyway, because they were just so busy. And they only got together during Raya, during Eid, because that's when everyone did it, so then that helped me feel a bit better.
Sarah: That’s an interesting point Raidah, you’re a child of divorce and Eid can also be a stressful time because there is this pressure to celebrate with family when not everyone gets along.
Raidah: Oh 100% when you're a child and Eid is an emotional time and you sort of do visit the elders and then suddenly the uncle is stopping a fight and it's kind of awkward when the uncle is your dad and it's his brothers that he's fighting with and you're sort of like oh my gosh, it's so awkward but we can't go anywhere, because we will get, you know, told off for being rude. So, we just like sit there and endure the awkwardness. And yeah, so it's an emotional time. Like all those Christmas, Hallmark movies. And drama? We have drama too! Like 200 percent! It's just, you know, in a different form. People are people, you know, and that festive season can bring up a lot of feelings, you know, of not just like joy and connection but unresolved trauma, unspoken expectations, you know, disappointment. Maybe that's why those ads were like really emotional, like the ones Inda was talking about, because they always hit on the same beats ‘like you're in the city now but don't forget your roots. Your mum is getting older. Don’t abandon your parents.’
Inda: Don’t take things for granted!
Raidah: Exactly!
Sarah: I've never had like Eid movies or media directed towards me, so is there just a whole host of like very saccharine movies and music Inda that touches on your heartstrings?
Inda: yeah, there are what do you call it? Eid songs which are basically like, Christmas jingles. You put them on, you're in the mood instantly. I'm gonna start singing some now but no no I'm not (laughs). But also like the the dramas, as in like the television dramas, where you have like five or six episodes and you know in the lead-up to Eid, the whole family, you know sits down and watches it right in the evening and you want to know what happens at the end and it's always some kind of moral story at the end. I haven't watched any recently. During my childhood they were very dramatic and very emotional and very kind of like over-the-top. But those commercials yeah, definitely, I would watch them when I'm you know, when I was in the UK as a student or even in Australia and I would still cry watching them on YouTube.
Sarah: Going back to these amazing Eid movies, are there homilies on remembering the Eid spirit, i.e., remembering the Christmas spirit?
Inda: It's like, you know what, when you're back in Christmas for the holidays and you fall in love with a farmer but more kind of like family based you know, because, you know, he or she has gone off and become really successful and then the parents are still suffering at home and in an atap roof home and then he comes back and realises the mistakes that they've made, how they've taken their family for granted, that’s a theme. Yeah, there's always like the mean person who learns their lesson throughout Ramadan and becomes nice by the time Eid rolls in.
Sarah: There seems to be a lot of guilt tripping in these movies.
Raidah: So much! Asian guilt is next level.
Sarah: I love it. I love the brainwashing
Inda: There was one that I watched, which was quite funny. Actually, it was quite comical and it was about this lady who she's a widow. She's got a child of her own and she's usually someone who would like kind of go for like trying to find a new husband kind of thing, and usually quite glam and everything but then she falls in love with the ustadh, the new ustadh at the mosque and so she's trying to impress him by being really religious. But at the same time, the ustadh, he's such a bore and he's so straightforward. So, he has to loosen up as well. So, they kind of meet in the happy medium, but it was actually quite really nicely done. I'm not, I'm not doing it justice, but it was really funny.
Sarah: This seems like the classic rom-com the strait-laced imam and the wild lady and they come together. That’s beautiful. Speaking of guilt-tripping and moving away from home and all of that, you know, fast forward for you, you move to the UK as an adult and then to Australia as a young doctor. So, what was it like for you to practice Eid as a single woman and an immigrant in the west?
Inda: That atmosphere certainly wasn't there, not the way that it was in Malaysia, but you were so busy with work anyway, in the UK was studying, then I moved to Australia, and I was working. So, I do little things like try to catch up with a few Muslim friends for something that was specifically celebrating Ramadan or Eid. Then on Eid day if I'm not off work, I would wear my baju kurung to work. Even if it meant that I change into scrubs 15 minutes later. I'm like, here I am. It's my special day. I'm at work, but that's okay. So, you kind of find little little things to sort of celebrate with. It's a sad diaspora Eid basically!
Sarah: Changing from your scrubs into a baju kurung for 15 minutes is so vastly different to a tropical beautiful Eid in the village. Was that something that really became very precious to you when you experienced this other kind of Eid, remembering the way it was for you?
Inda: So medical school is five years in the UK. And for the first four years, I think our holidays just did not match up to Ramadan and Eid. And there was nothing we can do about that. It was just too extravagant to kind of, you know, head back for the week or anything like that. So, we just have our own sort of Eid, but one year, it actually did match-up. And I got to go home to celebrate Eid. And I was so emotional. You know, we did the whole thing about going back to my grandmother's house, changing the curtains, and sweeping the floors and stuff. And at one point, I was in-between curtains, and I just had a quiet moment to myself where I just cried out of happiness because I could hear Eid songs. And I know that something delicious is cooking in the kitchen and I had my family around me and I hadn't had that for so long so that definitely was a moment where I went back to my roots, like in the movies and realised what I was missing and, and found a newfound appreciation for this family holiday, that before, as a child, I just took for granted.
Sarah: You almost became a classic Hari Raya heroine?
Inda: I was! Yes, I was.
Sarah: Just like in the movies!
Inda: Just like in the movies.
Sarah: You both have mixed culture families. Raidah, your partner is Indian Tamil. Inda your husband is Portuguese- Croatian. How important was it for both of you, for your partners, and kids to celebrate and understand Eid and to incorporate both cultures in your celebration of Eid? Raidah let’s start with you.
Raidah: Yeah, I think it’s 100 per cent really, really important. Like, I don't ever want my children to feel that you're half Malay, your half-Indian Muslim. So, you're both, you know, you're a combination of everything and all the generations that have come before you and after you. So, part of how we manifest that is enjoying food from both cultures. So, and I'm living with my mum-in-law and she's an amazing cook. And my kids have no idea how lucky they are to get like home-cooked biryani, mutton curry, like home-made vada. I'm slowly trying, like, to write down the recipes in Google, so one day I can just try them out. Living in Malaysia, living with her has helped me understand so much about my husband and her and just coming from, you know, living in this part of the world for so long, where being Muslim is normalised, you know, where it's just not a big deal. It's like Eid and Ramadan are always important. Like it's just been really healing for like the sad diaspora part of me, that's like, okay we're just celebrating by ourselves in the cold, you know. So, it's been wonderful that this is what my children will experience. Like just a few hours ago, my mum-in-law was telling my daughters that she wants to take them for Eid shopping next week. So, like she's prepping because she knows the crowds that will hit very soon. You know so it's really amazing and this is just a norm. You know again it's a connection ritual where she will go out with my girls to get there Raya dresses. I'm very grateful and I try to instil that in my children but like they don't know any better. To them that’s like normal, you know, which is really cool. And I hope that they always carry that wherever they go because I don't know what lies ahead for my kids, you know, the next generation and what adventures lie ahead, but I want them to always have that feeling of like fullness and love and enoughness for being Muslim, for being exactly who they are, for coming from a mixed background and knowing that’s a source of strength and connection and love for them and foundational security through like rituals of cooking together, of prepping the house for Eid, visiting relatives.
Sarah: I love that. I love how you are both creating new traditions for a new life that you're living. And Inda you are mainly based in Brisbane, Australia at the moment. So how do you I guess share Eid with your children and your partner and bring them in and help them understand how important it is?
Inda: We just make the best of what we have. So last Ramadan, last Eid was really special because I had my mum with me as well. And so, I had the Malaysian food covered and she made an amazing meal, she made so much that we had enough to last us for a week. But then it also meant that I could invite people over to the house, not just serve them Tim Tams and tea. There was a full banquet.
Sarah: Nothing wrong with Tim Tams!
Inda: Nothing wrong with Tim Tams! I love Tim Tams. But when you're in a country where your language, your mother tongue is not the the norm, whenever you do get a chance to sit down and talk to people in Malay, it's like a little pocket of sunshine. It's so special. And it's almost like, you don't realize how much you missed it until you're in there, chatting away, saying things that will not translate in English or will not make sense in English, but it makes sense to you, just to each of you at that moment. So, we had a little kind of celebration like that. And then the kids, it made me laugh because I probably said exactly the same thing when I was a kid, but the kids would like to come in, sit down and have food with us and then we're itching to go and play. And so, we said 'no, no, no, we have to take pictures for us' that we had, we took a bunch of pictures and then I heard my daughter say, 'come on Eli. Let's get out of these clothes and go and play.'
That was exactly what my cousins and I would say in hot, sweltering, Malaysian weather. When we have to wear these nice crisp new clothes. We just want to go out and play in our shorts and T-shirts, so they went off and did that. And then the rest of the family just kind of sat down and chatted in this kind of soporific postprandial, stupor kind of thing. And it was really nice so they're not going to get the full experience, I guess, like they won't go house to house demanding money off all our neighbours. But you know, it was it was still pretty special in our own way and also if I might add maybe even manageable because sometimes those big family Eids do get very overwhelming and dramatic like Raidah was saying. So, in the past couple of years, I've been pretty happy with our small little Eids away. My little twin boys are still pretty young. Just as an aside, my mum did eventually bring some Malaysian clothes for them which were Tiny Tots size which are just super cute. But before she arrived, I actually reached out to the Malaysians in the Brisbane community on Facebook and said, ‘does anybody have toddler baju melayo so that my sons can celebrate their first Eid ever dressed appropriately?' and a couple of people put their hand up. And I drove across Brisbane and picked up a few costumes that they got to wear that day, which is really, really nice.
Sarah: And also, you know, your partner, who's Portuguese- Croatian background, also a doctor, he didn't grow up with Eid, so what does he think of the whole spectacle?
Inda: It was actually really nice when we started having Ramadans and Eids together because he is, his dad's Portuguese, his mom is Croatian my husband's best friend growing up and still now and all the way through medical school is a Palestinian- Lebanese friend of ours, so he very much knew about Ramadan, Eid as well. The only Eid he has experienced are our sad diaspora ones. I feel like I can't really comment because his impression of Eid would be our watered-down impression of Eid, but I definitely love for my whole family to be back home for one of these Eids inshallah in the years to come and just see how they react to all of it and how they manage and navigate and survive it!
Sarah: Look in defense of the sad Sydney diaspora Eids, which are the only ones I've ever experienced. Okay, look I'm bringing an Australian twist - there’s barbecue sausages, there's the heat, there’s scratchy clothes that you take off and then you go for a swim, you watch a movie, after you’ve done the Aunties and the makeup has melted off and so it has its value, okay?
Inda: So, we need to go to your house is that what you're saying?
Sarah: Yes! I think we need to just acclimatise to the climate, you know.
Inda: But also, the other thing and you're probably gonna bring it up a little bit later about moon controversies. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to get time off for Eid because I don't know when Eid is gonna be, you know!
I'll say to my boss, 'listen' and they know I'm fasting and stuff like, 'oh, do you reckon I can get like a day off for Eid. You know, what's the operating list like and stuff?'
They’ll say, 'sure we'll be fine next week's pretty light. But what day do you want off?'
'Maybe Tuesday. But maybe Wednesday'.
'When can you tell me?'
'Monday night. I don’t know?'
Sarah: It's very confusing and it almost seems deceptive because you're trying to tell people. Look, I don't actually know, when the day is, and they think that you're pulling their leg.
Inda: Yeah.
Sarah: Because who does not know when their cultural celebration is and was that something that you didn't really grow up with because was there some kind of official announcement?
Inda: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you turn on the TV and then this guy would say on behalf of the imams of Malaysia we have spotted the moon and Eid is going to be this time. But Raidah you might have been here for last year when they did the shock announcement. So, they would usually announce it a couple of days ahead of time, so people can plan but for some reason last year they announced it the night before and people were going nuts. They're like, 'The chickens are not even thawed out from the freezer yet!'
Raidah: It was chaos
Inda: 'what am I going to do?'
Sarah: What’s gonna happen to the chickens?
Inda: Yeah, it's crazy. 'Like I still need to sew this on my clothes!' And it was, it was quite funny. So, my mum was here with me, and we were, she, she was giggling, because she was getting panicked hysterical, WhatsApp messages from her friends, who were clamouring, trying to kind of sort out their Eid, the next day after the announcement, that was funny.
Raidah: Pros and cons.
Sarah: Wow, look, I had no idea about this drama going down, but I mean, for those who don't know, there is this controversy because some Muslims mark Eid by sighting the new moon physically and others are happy with the scientific calendar method. And this means that they're kind of are two camps of when Eid is. Do you sight it or do you have a pre-prepared day. Raidah, did you grow up with this kind of two camps where some of your family were moonies and where some of your family, were like calendar people. Was that ever an issue for you guys?
Raidah: Interestingly, because I'm the oldest and like the most vocal, everyone is like, okay, fine, it let’s just follow Raidah but as they got older and got married and had opinions of themselves, then that kind of started shifting and you know what fair enough, each to their own, we've all got to make our own decisions. So, I guess initially, most of us were of the moon-sighting camp, because it was something really beautiful, actually being part of the Muslim diaspora and going on a hill and everyone like, sighting the moon for themselves that was really special, and it helped me feel connected to sighting the moon in a way that I never really had. Because in Malaysia, it's like, it's announced, they tell you in advance, it's in the calendar, it's a public holiday. It's kind of like laid out for you, but when you're, you know, a diaspora child or adult or teenager, your kind of making your own way, you're paving your own path, which feels really beautiful and prophetic, in its own right, you know? And there is this beautiful fusion as well of like past and present and trying to make a way for the future and that's something I do miss sometimes when I am here, it's sort of like really easy to be Muslim, it's really normal. So there's not that like struggle to make space to feel heard and all that so, it's beautiful and restful in one sense. But you don't have that feeling of like it's us against the world!
Sarah: It's us on a hilltop staring at the moon.
Raidah: That’s right
Sarah: I absolutely love the Eid iron fist you have there Raidah, growing up.
Raidah: Yes.
Sarah: You’re neurodiverse, you have children who are neurodiverse. How do you practice self-care on Eid when it can be overwhelming in terms of people and stimulus?
Raidah: Lots and lots of breaks and basically tuning in to myself a lot. And okay, if I'm feeling overwhelmed, this means it's time to go to a quieter room, so it could be while I'm visiting family member's house, or it could be a friend's house or someone coming to my house. So, there's always the option of saying I need to take my kid for a break for a while or go to the garden. Reading everyone's body signals, reading my own. Knowing that, you know, like I need plenty of breaks on like a normal day, let alone like the overwhelming excitement of Eid, and just embracing that, you know, and knowing that this is what it's like for me, this is what my children need as well. That's okay. Because that's how I hope they'll learn how to figure out what they need, how to meet their needs, how to take breaks. And sometimes it just gets too much and it's time to leave and that's okay, as well. So, my husband and I we kind of have like an Eid like code words or like expressions on our faces like okay, 'this is getting too much. Let's get out of here before it gets even worse!' or like my private upset WhatsApp's like:
'this is getting too much; we need to get going now', 'okay let's just get the kids out!'. So, knowing that we have that code, we have that understanding, you know, while also knowing that because at a certain point, it's just time to go home guys, this is getting out of hand, you know.
Sarah: That uncle's getting away too annoying. It’s time for us to jet.
Raidah: It's time to leave. So, we can keep things civil, you know.
Inda: Until the next Eid...
Raidah: Until the next Eid. Or you know what, until the next open house, because there is plenty of open houses.
Inda: Oh yes, yeah.
Sarah: I love it. And I have a very important question which is... the Eid outfit. How important is it to pick out the perfect outfit. Inda?
Inda: Listen, I've mellowed out, a lot as I grow older, and as I become a mum, I think Raidah's hit the nail on the head. Like when you enter motherhood, your expectations start to filter down which is a very healthy thing I think because you realise that control is an illusion, and you don't really have that much control. So, I am going to be really embarrassed to admit this, but I think for several years in a row I was wearing the same baju kurung, because I was in Australia, nobody knew any different! I was at a different hospital every year. No one would have seen it before. It's okay. So, I had my favourite baju kurung from home that I wore many years in a row, and then I got pregnant with twins, so then I couldn't fit into them. And so, I think what I'm trying to say is that, as long as there's effort, which is choosing a baju kurung or baju kebaya to wear, and it makes me feel good and it shows the rest of the world that, you know, I'm celebrating something special and it might lead to conversations about you know, what is this day about? what is Eid, what's Ramadan? And I can have a casual conversation about that and just to feel really buddy-buddy with anybody who is actually celebrating alongside me. That's good enough for me. I'm not sort of Hari Raya photo nazi where you have to kind of like line, the whole family on the couch and take a million photos. I'm very happy to have just natural pictures taken throughout the day, if we can have one altogether, that would be amazing. But I know that this is very important, it’s is very important to my mum for example, that we have a good Raya photo to have for the record and then, you know, and maybe I'd huff and puff about it because the kids are everywhere and they're crawling out of control and stuff. But then years down the line I'll probably look back and say oh thank goodness we persisted and have that you know really nice Raya photo for the album because those are memories that you're not going to be able to sort of re-enact. So, my outfit game is pretty chilled.
Sarah: Well, you know, the Raya photo, your mum's game seems to be like at 100. So, I think that's hard to replicate. And Raidah for you, is the outfit a big deal?
Raidah: That's a really loaded question!
Sarah: I'm triggering everyone!
Raidah: So, once you move back to the motherland, the expectations start to escalate. Like for me, it used to be like, okay, any baju kurung is great, any baju kebaya is great, but suddenly I realised there's different grades. There’s premium quality. There's tailored. There’s sequins. I'm just like, 'I just want cotton, that's it!' You know, like seriously! We don't have like the total colour matching because of my husband, he's like so opposed to matching-matching completely! I might trick him and be like I'm gonna wear this one when I see what he wears.
Sarah: I think that’s a fun note to end on. Thank you for being with us Inda and Raidah. I hope your Eids are full of lots of matchy matchy and delicious food.
Raidah: You're welcome. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Inda.
Inda: Absolutely a pleasure. Thank you so much. Sarah.
Sarah: Eid Mubarak, everyone and thank you for listening. This is the final episode of My Ramadan. I hope you've enjoyed listening. Hit the follow button, in your podcast app, and please share or review the podcast, if you're enjoying it, this episode was presented by me, Sarah Malik. Our audio engineer is Jeremy Wilmot. Executive producers are Sarah Malik and Caroline Gates. If you want to get in touch, email . You can find ‘My Ramadan’ in the SBS audio app or at sbs.com.au/audio.
