One year ago, at the age of 45, I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Up until a few years ago, I thought that ADHD was only something that affected boys. I had the stereotypical image in my mind of boys racing around, unable to regulate themselves.
I had no idea that ADHD was something that affected girls and women.
I often say to people when I talk about ADHD that it was like I found the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Suddenly, so much that I could never explain or understand about myself made sense.
When I was 22, I stopped drinking alcohol. I thought that was the root cause of my problems. If I stopped drinking, then I wouldn’t be such a mess. It helped, but internally I was still so restless and stressed while trying to portray to the outside that I had it all together.
I was always looking for something to change the way I felt. I frequently took on too much. The people pleaser in me was terrified of letting people down.
In mid 2021, I stumbled across women on TikTok talking about late-diagnosed ADHD. I’d actually been trying to find out more about perimenopause because I was in such a brain fog all the time. I was transfixed because I identified so much with what these women were sharing.
Emily Webb at 17. Source: Supplied / Emily Webb
After a few weeks of learning more about ADHD, I started ringing psychiatrists but many weren’t taking on new patients. The receptionist for a female psychiatrist who specialised in women’s mental health told me to send in a GP referral but couldn’t guarantee I’d get an appointment.
I feel free from the unrealistic expectations I have always put myself under.
I got a referral and crossed my fingers. The clinic confirmed they had an appointment available in four months time. From what I hear now, the wait to see a psychiatrist is even longer so I consider myself lucky.
The appointment day came in January this year and over Zoom we chatted about different stages of my life. Then, she went through a formal questionnaire with me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and I cried with relief.
Medication has been life-changing. My worst-case scenario thinking has improved. When I was growing up, I was often told that I was dramatic. I sought constant reassurance, which came across as self-absorption. That’s exhausting for the people in my life, especially those closest to me.
I feel free from the unrealistic expectations I have always put myself under.
ADHD can affect people in different ways.
Before I was diagnosed, the major ways ADHD impacted my life were anxiety, impulsive behaviours - drinking, eating, spending, decisions - and organisation. I found ways to manage these over the years, but they were always present.
Ever since I can remember, I have worried about things to the point where I was unable to think of anything else. Despite deeply caring about my friends and family, I would forget birthdays or to keep in touch with them regularly.
Procrastination is another challenge. It was - and still is - hard for me to get started on some tasks. I thrive in a crisis or when I have tight deadlines but I can spend weeks thinking about doing something until I can't put it off anymore.
However, when I set my mind to something, I am unstoppable.
In advocating for my daughters’ needs, I also feel like I’m taking care of the teenage me.
Now I know more about ADHD, I've been able to understand so much more about how it has played out in my life to date and I am now able to observe my behaviours and work with the symptoms rather than berate myself.
After my diagnosis, I could see the signs of ADHD in my daughters, who are 13 and 16. At my eldest daughter’s parent-teacher conversations, it became clear that she needed help.
My husband and I had already started the process to see a paediatrician for the girls, but this feedback from the school was oddly reassuring. I was right in following my instincts.
Emily Webb and her eldest daughter. Source: Supplied / Emily Webb
They both have ADHD and as a family we are all learning together.
I often wish I knew about ADHD when I was a teenager. It would have saved me a lot of anguish - but no one really knew about the condition in girls and women back in the 1990s.
In advocating for my daughters’ needs, I also feel like I’m taking care of the teenage me.
Features of ADHD are inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. It is not uncommon for people with ADHD to also experience co-occuring conditions such as anxiety.
Last year, Insight heard from adults navigating the life-shaping consequences of living with ADHD. Watch the full episode
