Key Points
- Men's Behaviour Change Programs are helping men who have used violence in domestic relationships make positive transformations.
- Culturally and linguistically tailored programs are emerging to include multicultural communities
- A key to improving family relationships is recognising that a change of domestic duties is sometimes necessary in an Australian context.
Establishing a good life in Australia is a dream shared by many newcomers to the country.
But that dream can face barriers or end up in relationship breakdowns.
offers a program in partnership with for men over 18 who have used violence or abusive behaviours in a domestic relationship.
have been running in Australia for over a decade. Still, to ensure that no one is left behind, culturally tailored programs are starting to be made available to help men navigate changes in a new country.
Feelings of unmet dreams don't need to end up in violence.
Lebanese-born and former Building Stronger Families program facilitator Ghassan Noujaim says in some cultures, men are often regarded as the head of the family. He adds that there is a given expectation that the man of a household is the breadwinner and, hence, should be listened to and followed.
Mr Noujiam explains there are also emotions of anxiety from settlement that are often not dealt with when a formerly skilled professional becomes jobless in Australia for various reasons.
If I cry, I am not a man. If I ask for help or if I am weak, I am not a man.Ghassan Noujaim
He adds that men often feel trapped by complex cultural values, beliefs, traditions, expectations, and perceptions of manhood.
But feelings of unmet dreams don't need to end up in violence.
According to Dr Sumbo Ndi, a life coach and counselling team leader at Relationships Australia in South Australia, recognising and addressing some of the barriers to living a good life is the first step to making positive changes, which could be confronting and challenging at the same time.
Dr Ndi says that roles formerly linked to people's identities sometimes experience a sudden loss in a new place.
This reversal of traditional gender roles often happens in families when the woman becomes the breadwinner while the man takes care of the family.
The fact that the role is changing does not make you less valuable or less contributing and acceptance of the fact that living in a different context necessitates that change.Dr Sumbo Ndi
runs to educate African men, women, and young people in Adelaide about family and domestic violence.
Dr Ndi says while family violence is often seen as a taboo topic, powerful changes can only occur when people openly discuss it in a safe and supportive environment.
"They understand the physical aspect of it in terms of hitting someone but also being able to have conversations around emotional abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse or even financial."
In exploring what it means to build a good life and strong family, Dr Ndi encourages community members to learn about each other's perspectives and experiences as they adjust to Australian life.
And sometimes, a change in gender roles may mean relating to one another differently.
Men's mental health matter, because their mental health and overall well-being are fundamental to the overall wellbeing of the community.
He suggests starting your transformation by considering the legacy you want to leave behind for your children.
"What would you like them to say about you? Thanks, Dad, I really appreciated that you…What would be the end of their sentence?" Mr King says.
According to Mr King, men often learn inappropriate expressions of emotions based on how manhood was portrayed in their upbringing.
He says, unfortunately, men have learnt to hide their feelings as they grow older and form relationships.
Mr King encourages letting go of old ideas and showing your feelings to those who matter or seeking professional help before reaching a crisis point.
He says suppressed feelings and emotions can sometimes erupt like a volcano, leading to abusive behaviours.
His recommendations include adopting the following communication techniques before a critical discussion:
- Slow down to listen to the other person's opinions
- Respect the other person's ideas without expecting that they obey your views
- Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings
- Sit down to allow your energy to be centred
- Be relaxed before having a critical discussion
- Do not use intoxicating substances like alcohol before a discussion
Men are often fathers, brothers, and partners, and their mental health has a direct impact on their families. A man's wellbeing can influence the emotional health of his loved ones.
It is okay to struggle sometimes. It is okay to speak up, and it is okay to ask for help.Dr Sumbo Ndi
You can find out more about similar programs from Relationships Australia around the country , or ring 1300 364 277 for the cost of a local call.
Men with emotional health or relationship concerns can call Australia on 1300 78 99 78 for free counselling support 24 hours a day.
Call the on 13 14 50 and ask for your designated organisation if you need language support.
