Positive role models can stop the cycle of gender-based violence

Young people's behaviours are often shaped by adults and carers around them. By stopping disrespectful behaviour and education through positive role modelling, we can put an end to the cycle of violence.

It’s never too young or never too late to talk to your children about respect Credit: Cavan Images/Getty Images

Key Points

• “Stop it at the Start” campaign aims to break the cycle of violence by encouraging adults to have positive influences in young people
• We must stop excuses and educate children about respectful behaviour
• Resources are available to help you engage in conversation

How often have we heard phrases such as “boys will be boys” or “it’s OK, he just did it because he likes you”, about disrespectful or aggressive behaviour towards girls or women?

Although these sayings may seem harmless on the surface, they are unknowingly normalising aggression as something that is inherent in boys or something that is provoked by girls, experts say.

Not all forms of disrespect lead to violence, but we know that violence starts with disrespect. We can put an end to this cycle by stopping it at the start.

What is the “Stop it at the Start” campaign?

The Stop it at the Start campaign is an initiative of the Council of Australian Governments, aimed at breaking the cycle of all gender-based violence.

The campaign began in 2016 after shocking statistics about violence against women and children became available.

According to data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics,

• One in three women has been a victim of physical or sexual violence, since the age of 15, by someone known to them.
• Almost one in four women have been emotionally abused by a partner since the age of 15.

We know that on average, one woman is killed by their current or former partner every 10 days

Assistant Minister for Social Services and Prevention of Family Violence, Justine Elliot

“The only way to see a continued decrease is through a strong national focus on addressing gender inequality and other forms of discrimination and disadvantage,” Assistant Minister for Social Services and Prevention of Family Violence, Justine Elliot tells SBS.

Recognising that behaviours of young people are influenced and shaped by adults, carers, and influencers around them, the campaign targets parents and family members of children between 10-17, to reflect on their attitudes and to be a positive influence.

Recognise the cycle of violence

“Violence doesn’t just start, it grows,” says Dr Rosina McAlpine, a parenting expert and the author of Inspired Children.

Having grown up in a home where violence had been passed down from her grandfather to her father, Dr McAlpine has experienced the cycle of violence herself.

“Our father was from a generation where they believed that discipline, corporal punishment was the way to raise good kids."

Past generations believed that discipline and corporal punishment was the way to raise good kids. Credit: FluxFactory/Getty Images

Punishment included things like belts and branches or “just heavy hands”.

She recalls going to school wearing trousers and tights in summer to cover the bruises.

“But in those days nobody said anything, and for us it was quite normal in our community.

“You can learn a lot of dysfunctional things, and many people do in that environment. As children we get indoctrinated about what family life is, what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable, and what is the right way and what isn’t.”

What makes breaking such a cycle difficult is that, like Dr McAlpine’s father, and many who inflict violence, they believe they are doing the right thing to raise good children.

Therefore, that cycle can continue because they do not know any other way, she explains.

When I was younger, I was worried that I would be like my dad. I've spent many years researching and sharing supportive parenting approaches. I have broken the cycle of violence with my family.

Dr Rosina McAlpine, Parenting expert and author of 'Inspired Children'.

Stop the excuses

Making excuses for disrespectful or aggressive behaviours towards girls, can shape young people’s views about what is acceptable.

The excuse interpreter on the campaign website illustrates how language can carry a hidden meaning.

So, a seemingly harmless phrase, “boys will be boys” may be interpreted by girls as “it’s just what boys do – I should get used to it” or interpreted by boys that “we’re just like that, it’s fine”.

Dr McAlpine says, we must not allow these excuses and educate children about what is respectful behaviour.

Parents and carers have the responsibility to educate children about respect Credit: MoMo Productions/Getty Images

Have active, open, ongoing conversation

Part of the campaign is to “encourage active, open and ongoing conversation about respectful relationships and gender equality,” says Ms Elliot.

“It’s important to start that dialogue."

Discussions about disrespectful and aggressive behaviours with children are never easy. But parents and carers need to be ready to talk, and talk often.

It’s never too young or never too late to talk to your children

Dr Rosina McAlpine

One of the resources provided by the campaign is the conversation guide. It is a tool that helps you start a conversation to respond and navigate responses from children.

As teachers, as parents, at every stage, it is important not to make excuses, instead stopping and educating, [and] having those conversations around what is respectful behaviour.

Dr Rosina McAlpine

So, if siblings are fighting, rather than brushing off the situation using “excuses”, stop and question them, “was that the right behaviour?”, “was that respectful?”, “how would you feel if it was you?” Dr McAlpine suggests.

There is also the respect checklist that allows parents and family members to identify and understand a child’s view about respect, giving you a place to start a conversation.

Addressing the issue in culturally sensitive way

The rate of violence against women and children are often higher in certain Culturally and Linguistically Diverse (CALD) communities, as well as Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander groups, says Ms Elliot.

The leaders of the CALD communities have an essential role to play, in addressing these issues in a culturally sensitive way.

Maria Dimopoulos is the Board Chair of Safe and Equal, a peak body for domestic violence specialist services in Victoria.

She says when addressing the primary prevention of domestic violence against women and children in these communities, we must do so in a way that "recognises the role of culture, the role of settlement and the important ways in which multiculturalism might impact on those experiences".

Rather than seek our culture or faith as a deficit, how do we use those frameworks to build strong and meaningful engagement in our communities?

Maria Dimopoulos, Chair of Safe and Equal

The Stop it at the Start campaign has both in-language and indigenous resources, and can be found on the campaign website.

The campaign is working

The Stop it at the Start has entered phase four this year and the evaluation conducted so far, has found that 68 per cent of all people recalled an element of the campaign activity.

"82 per cent of the people who saw the campaign understood and accepted their role in showing young people how to act respectfully," says Ms Elliot.

So, let's educate our children about respectful behaviour. By recognising the cycle of violence, we can stop it at the start, and become positive role models.

Support and Services

1800RESPECT 1800 737 732 or 1800respect.org.au

Lifeline 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au

For support services in your state and territories, click here

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual harassment or assault, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit

1800RESPECT.org.au In an emergency, call 000.