Janice and Jason plan to get engaged. But first they must agree on a ‘bride price’

It's a tradition that is common in China, which can add an extra element of complexity among couples about to tie the knot.

Many marriages come with a bride price in China, traditionally paid for by the groom’s family. Credit: Getty/Janice Long

Key Points

• Marriage payments are reportedly still used in three-quarters of countries.
• Cross-cultural couples may have disagreements over bride price expectations.
• An expert has found that modern Chinese women have varying attitudes towards the tradition.

Janice Long, 29, is planning to take her Australian-born Italian partner Jason to her hometown in southern China to meet her parents.

This milestone for the long-term couple also presents an opportunity to settle some cultural expectations.

“My parents want to set a bride price [before we get married], but I'm not a big fan of it,” Ms Long told SBS Chinese.

It's like they're selling their daughter.

Janice Long

Janice Long and her partner live on the Gold Coast in Queensland and are planning to get engaged soon. Credit: Janice Long

Many marriages in China come with a 'bride price' - known in Mandarin as caili - which is traditionally paid by the groom's family to their prospective wife's family before the wedding.

It ranges from as low as $10,000 to over $100,000, depending on the region and is usually negotiated and agreed on between the bride and groom's family ahead of their planned wedding.

Ms Long hails from Guilin, the capital of Guangxi province, where the average bride price is around $20,000, according to a Chinese national wedding service agency website.

What is a marriage payment?

Marriage payments, including dowries or bride prices, are reportedly still used in 75 per cent of countries globally.

According to bride price tradition, the groom pays a sum of money to the bride's parents, while the opposite is the case for a dowry, with the future bride having to make a wedding payment to the groom's side.

Researchers from the WomanStats Project have found that the bride price tradition is more common than the dowry around the world.

The dowry tradition is common in India, while bride price traditions are often seen in many Asian countries, parts of Africa and some Pacific Island societies.

Bride price/dowry/expenses of marriage (types and distribution) around the world. Credit: The WomanStats Project (2016)

‘Trade a camel for a daughter-in-law’

Yue Ma remembers how talk of a bride price among extended family members began when she prepared to marry her German partner André Pracejus six years ago.

She explained that bride price was a common practice in her hometown in Inner Mongolia, ranging from $10,000 to over $40,000, in addition to a property from the groom-to-be and a car from the bride-to-be.

"My stepmother had been talking about how much her friend took in bride price at her children's weddings, as well as asking if she could get it from my marriage," Ms Ma said.

However, Mr Pracejus rejected the custom.

“I basically said, 'I am not doing that'. It was as straightforward as that,” he said.

It is not uncommon for cross-cultural couples like Yue Ma and André Pracejus to have disagreements before their wedding. Credit: Yue Ma

My parents were happy to support us financially, but not support her family on top of that.

André Pracejus

Mr Pracejus said it's common for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding in Germany but nowadays expenses are usually shared between both parties.

Ms Ma recalled her father-in-law vowing to never pay her parents for her hand in his son’s marriage.

They said they would never trade a camel for a daughter-in-law.

Yue Ma

Mr Pracejus said it would have been inconceivable to follow rural Chinese custom before his wedding.

"Why does the bride's family get something that the groom's side doesn't?" he questioned.

A 'sexist' or 'pragmatic' tradition?

Fran Martin, a professor of cultural studies at the University of Melbourne, conducted a five-year study of the social behaviour of 50 young Chinese women studying and living in Australia.

She said she saw a range of attitudes toward caili among participants, who she categorised as supporters, opponents and people who don't need it.

Some supported it since they felt it was linked with a sense of personal dignity and honour.

Fran Martin

There may be a "pragmatic" element to caili, in ensuring the groom and his family invest some material resources to create benefits for the bride and her family, Prof Martin said.

But some say they "felt deeply humiliated" by their parents' proposal to marry them off in exchange for money, which can be seen as quite "sexist and patriarchal", she added.

It arguably appears to express the ‘worth’ of a bride in monetary or material terms.

Fran Martin

She added that for very wealthy families, bride prices are "virtually irrelevant".

"Both families owned multiple properties and were basically matched in wealth, so the young couple and the bride’s family simply had no need for caili," she said.

Expert says modern Chinese women have varying attitudes toward bride prices. Credit: Unsplash

China's one-child policy has been seen as one of the factors that led to too few women in rural areas, which has contributed to skyrocketing bride prices, up to $70,000 for prospective wives, in recent years.

In addition, the groom’s parents traditionally buy a property for the newlyweds, along with three gold items (sanjin in Mandarin), namely a gold necklace, gold earrings and a gold ring, for the bride-to-be.

Officials have taken actions to reject these escalating prices, including a mass "zero bride price" wedding with about 30 couples.

Happily ever after?

Ms Ma and Mr Pracejus said their wedding ceremony, fortunately, went ahead without a bride price or promise of a house.

“My grandma told me that the only thing that matters is that the person treats you well,” Ms Ma said.

Ms Ma's grandmother told her that the bride price is not a necessary thing in a marriage. Credit: Yue Ma

The bride price is not necessarily a threshold or a ticket [to marriage].

Ma Yue

Mr Pracejus added, “Even though they [my parents-in-law] never really got any money from us. I think now they're actually very happy with how everything turned out.”

"For anyone who wants to break up because of a money issue, I think they should not get married," he said.

Ms Ma and Mr Pracejus (centre) got married in 2017 without a bride price or promise of a house. Source: SBS / Tianyuan Qu

Ms Long shared a similar perspective towards bride prices as Ms Ma.

I don't think I need a bride price to feel secure in Australia because I know that half of my partner's assets will be mine once our relationship is established.

Janice Long

She said she would persuade her parents to return the equivalent of whatever money they received as her jiazhuang (dowry in English).

“For example, if my boyfriend gives my parents $200,000 as the bride price, they need to prepare the same amount of jiazhuang to match it,” she said.

“That is more equal to me.”